What to do if you really want to be given flowers and jewelry , complimented, but your man doesn't understand? Is it possible to teach your partner the language of love? In search of answers to these questions, we came across Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages".
Dr. Gary Chapman distinguishes between falling in love and love. Falling in love is a fleeting emotional outburst that suddenly blooms and suddenly disappears. Love is a choice that requires discipline and care. You strive for the good of the other person, and if you succeed, then you yourself are happy that you truly love.
Chapman says there are five love languages:
- Praise
- Time
- Gifts
- Help
- Touches
1. Praise is one of the five basic languages. There are people who find it very important to be appreciated and praised. When such people are admired, they are grateful and ready for any feats. Praise and support help your partner feel important. They bring you closer and heal, and give you the determination to go and do. It is important to admire not only impressive results, but also to notice the little things. Talk about your partner's strengths not to the weak, then he will move mountains for you.
2. For someone who speaks the language of time, the main thing is to spend time with each other. Being together means paying attention to each other, not just being next to each other. When spending time together, your partner should give you their full attention, talk and listen, focusing on the other person. If your partner's language is time, you don't need to look for solutions to their problems. You need to be able to show that you hear and understand. You need to listen, empathize, try to understand the other's thoughts, feelings and desires.
Sometimes learning to listen is almost as difficult as learning a foreign language. But in order to understand your partner, you have to do it. Try not to advise, but to empathize. Try to understand, not to offer a solution. Ask more questions and try to focus on the person, not the problem.
3. For many, loving and giving are one and the same. That's why for some, visible symbols of love are hidden in gifts . A person who speaks the language of gifts does not look at the price, because the main thing is attention. The language of gifts is the simplest. You can buy some little things or make something with your own hands. Even your presence can be a gift. If you understand that you need such attention, say it out loud. Maybe your partner simply does not understand that it is important to you.
4. If you feel like your partner isn't helping you and you're tired of doing everything yourself, then you need to be honest about it. Help can be in many ways: fixing your car, driving you to work, cleaning your apartment, or walking your dog. When you help your partner, you're trying to make them happy by showing them your love. After all, helping takes time and effort. If it's really important to you that your partner help you with something that's bothering you and they don't understand, ask. They need help. Ask, not demand. And don't be offended, your partner may have a different understanding of relationships.
